humor

If you have access to a television, a computer, or occasionally scavenge Twitter in hopes that Zayn Malik will notice that you’ve retweeted his new video over five hundred times, then you’re probably heard that artist B.o.B believes, and continues in the face of all reason, logic, and scientific proof, that world is in fact flat. In a matter of hours this story has gone “viral”— a term that has taken on a new, electronic opposed to organic meaning— and everyone, even Neil DeGrasse Tyson, has attempted to convince the rapper otherwise. Teachers everywhere have resorted to heavy drinking, sniffing paint, and straight up popping acid to combat the guilt for the failings of our education system in this country. However, had this been the 90s and every personal, idiotic thought could be kept to the minds of those who think them, we would have all lived our lives assuming B.o.B wasn’t a special kind of moron. This aggressive portrayal of ignorance never would have been possible without the advent of two things: 1) the internet and 2) a globalized community.

When you make chowder, you have to be careful about how much milk you add, or else the mix would become too thick. Too little, and you’ve just got soup. Too much, and the whole thing is a disaster. That is the effects of having our leaders— our managers— having access to this globalized community with a megaphone as big as the internet, and being horrifically stupid. As it stands now, should one economy fail, all of us are screwed, and it’s up to managers to be aware and accountable for these actions.  “Few [have] yet [to] accept [management] as a social function,” claims Peter Drucker, renowned management consultant. “But it is precisely because management has become so pervasive as a social function that it faces its most serious challenge. To whom is management accountable? And for what? On what does management base its power? What gives it legitimacy?”

Peter Drucker worked for over sixty years in various positions and from his experience, wrote several books, taught several classes, and founded many academic institutional programs centered around the elusive concept of management. Well-deserved, he is known as the founder of modern management, and despite all of his teachings, many still miss the point. In our world today, it seems anyone can be an executive if you talk loud enough, and if you make the company stacks and stacks of cold cash, well, damn, you’re hired for sure! But both of those personas negate Drucker’s own concept of management: “Management is about human beings. Its task is to make people capable of joint performance, to make their strengths effective and their weaknesses irrelevant.”

What I find most interesting about this new “network of connection” is that humanity choses to remain as erratic individuals, instead of one, integrated culture. Shouldn’t we understand by now that there is a large chance that if you found Nyah Cat hilarious in 2007, your Muslim neighbor would as well? Cats are cats, and cats are funny, and the Pepe meme is not a Western conglomeration of our humor, but the very depiction of every dark, weird, nonsensical, chaos-worshipping chip that makes up our collective human soul?

Maybe that’s not what Drucker intended, but at least he was well aware of the real-life effects of managers being effective or ineffective, and how being an idiot and a leader— even a well-known public figure— can have very serious detrimental effects to our society.

“The result of a hospital is a healed patient. The result of a school is a student who has learned something and puts it to work ten years later. Inside an enterprise, there are only costs.”

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Season Ticket

 

EXT. HIGH WAY FILLED WITH CARS

 

The sun is blazing. Heat rises in bubbling waves from the

pavement. Traffic is backed up. It’s at a complete

standstill. Noise blares from open car windows as people

taunt some non-existent breeze. We come to a relatively old

car. Paint is thinning. There’s a big dent in it on the

side.

 

INT. HAROLD’S CAR

 

Two people sitting in the front of the car. One a lumpy man;

bald, pot-belly, round glasses pushed up into wispy blond

hair. The other passenger is a very large woman, bulbous,

rotund, oozing unpleasant pale flesh from under a floral

moo-moo. She is loudly snacking on a big bag of Cheetos.

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Like most good things, there is a dark side to food. And I don’t mean the brown lumpy bits on over-ripe bananas. No, children, it’s worse. It is the seedy underbelly that destroys families and happiness and color. It is the reason Twix Bars don’t count as protein bars and cheesecake makes you sick after the fifth slice. Yes, there is a cruelty to the foods we eat and I’m here to warn you about the nasiest of them all.  Continue reading 12 Reasons Why BitchBagel is the Jim Belushi of Foods

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